Essay: Sugar and Teens

Joseph, 16 year old wrote an essay on the topic of Sugar. This is how it looks after I give it back to them for editing.

Sugar

Sugar or sugar-free: That is the question. The question of eating this necessary nutrient sparks debates among many people as some claim that sugar is an evil. Granted, it is true that when taken in excess it will have serious side effects such as hyperglycemia and lead to diabetes. However, anything taken above recommended levels will cause an imbalance in the body and with this in mind, one has to understand why keeping things in moderation is important, how sugar nurtures our body, as well as what others argue against it. (run on sentences)

Keeping things in balance is a very important part in everyone’s lives. By being deprived of sleep, one gets emotionally unstable, while too much has been linked tobeing depressed (depression) or even obesity. Drinking too much alcohol might create an undesired circumstance for the heavy drinker. Alcoholics are always advised to drink in moderation. Even going on the emotional level, someone’s strong feeling of hatred towards an object may cause deeper feelings inside the person and later cause them to commit a murder. So the question remains: How much is too much? Before answering this question, first we must understand why sugar is important to our body. <>

Sugar is our brain’s fuel. The brain depends on the blood supply for its dosage of sugar. Glucose, the main sugar in the blood, is so essential to the functioning of the brain that without it, the brain won’t last for more than two minutes. Blood sugar levels are determined by what is eaten, and how fast sugar is transported from one place to another. When there is an excess of sugar, a hormone known as insulin transports it to muscle cells and the liver. When all the stores for sugar are filled up there, then the sugar is stored into fat tissue. Yet even with this knowledge, people still criticize and regard sugars an evil.

A strong argument that is commonly associated with sugar is that an excess of it will cause obesity rates to sky-rocket. Another goes on to say that eating a lot of sugar may rot your teeth and poses a risk of a various amount of unwanted diseases such as arthritis, hypoglycemia, and diabetes. One thing all these arguments have in common is this: <All the arguments have one thing in common: They require an excess of sugar. How do you solve an abundance of something? Simply by cutting down and going in a state of equilibrium.

People of today are too concerned of pointing out the wrongs of something instead of looking at the positives. Though it is true sugar can cause some life-threatening diseases, it is also true that our body, our brain especially, needs it to survive. Moderation is the key word to battle many things that “experts” say will kill you. More people will rather believe in the slim chances of something going wrong than in the huge percentage of it never happening.

Teacher's Comments: WEll thought out...excellent essay. I'm impressed with your ability to make topic sentence for each paragraph. Nice intro, great ending. Way to go.